Doc Says…

20 May

Alright you guys, here’s the thing.  I am in a bit of a holding pattern at the moment which means that what is going on inside of my head right now is something akin to a hamster running round and round on her exercise wheel.  She isn’t getting anywhere, isn’t really doing anything, just sort of trying to pass the time in her little glass cage until she gets the opportunity to run around the room in one of those awesome plastic balls.  Remember those?  I had a hamster when I was little and I was always sort of afraid that one day I would put her in the ball and she would somehow escape my room and go rolling right down the stairs.  Then the ball would pop open right in front of my cat, Sassafras, and bye bye hamster.  Anyway, I digress.  It’s really not that bad.  The holding pattern, I mean.  I have been spending a lot of time in the garden with my mom and have been reading the New York Times from cover to cover almost everyday.  I am pretty up to speed on the Times view of the world and what they think is worthy of their precious space and what is not.  I read about El Nino today so that was sort of a blast from the past.

Anyway, none of this is to the point.  The point is that since I am in a holding pattern I have decided to publish a comment I got back in the day when all that bullshit was happening on my blogRemember all that bullshit?  Well, I sure do.  Anyway, I got the following comment (posted here in italics) on the post called “Rebekah vs. Rob, (Documented) Battle #2”  I have changed nothing about the comment, nor have I omitted anything, so any spelling or grammatical errors are not, for once, mine.  Just keep in mind that the non-italicized part is just me adding my trademark snark which I am sure that this individual, who calls himself “Doc,” would have a thing or two to say about.  If he hadn’t unfollowed my blog promptly after posting this comment that is.

I’ve been following your posts for a couple months now, since I was told there was a blog that detailed my local watering hole. I’m not a regular but I do come in with some frequency so it is fun for me to read the goings on and see if I can picture who it is you’re talking about. I must say I’ve noticed the tone of your posts has gotten very snarky and downright mean. Are you sure being a bartender is the right career for you? 🙂

I very much enjoyed his use of emoticon.  Nothing breaks up criticism like a good, old-fashioned smiley face!

Your recent post regarding “Hal” however has picqued my psychological background radar.

Ooh! Psychological background radar!  Do continue!  (Also, for the record, I have changed the alias “Hal” to the subject’s real name, Rob, after he sent me various mean emails from anonymous email accounts.  I figured if he wasn’t willing to put his name on his behavior, then I would.)

This is, if I’m reading correctly and if this person is who I think he is (and I’m fairly certain it is) now the 3rd post he’s been prominently featured in. I’m reminded of that old adage, “There’s a thin line between love and hate.” Your borderline obsession with this man leads me to believe that there is more to your feelings than blind hatred. Honestly, I think I know who he is, and he’s nowhere near as bad as you paint him to be.

Doc has got me there.  I think that Rob WAS featured in a fair amount of posts.  There was his appearance in Tip #12 after he snuck his own booze into the bar  and then there was the following visit when I told him I wouldn’t serve him and he stayed at the bar for hours afterwards, trying to get other people to buy him drinks, and also asking my coworker out when his fiance was sitting like 4 barstools down.  I can’t actually find the third one because I don’t keep an inventory of my blogs like some anonymous commenters seem to.

When he’s in the bar by himself or with one or two friends, I’ve had conversations with him and found him to be perfectly interesting and charming.

Here’s the thing that I have noticed about misogynists:  they tend to be perfectly nice-seeming to other men, who they view as their equals, but when it comes to their dealing with women it is a totally different ballgame.  I would like for “Doc” to be called a cunt, a word that I find extremely violent, by the same person on more than one occasion, and to have that person attempt to physically intimidate him at his workplace, and then tell me dude is “perfectly interesting and charming.”  Just sayin’.

I have seen him act loud and start chants etc., but usually only when he was with a large group of men, and really, isn’t that how most men in a large group at a bar act?

I hate to break it to you but no, that is not how most men in large groups in bars act.

He’s nowhere near the devil you make him out to be. And you lose all credibility when you say he’s unattractive. He is, objectively, a very good looking man.

Personally, I think that levels of attractiveness are more a subjective, than objective, thing.  For example, Adam Levine was voted People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive in 2013 and I sort of think he looks like a ferret.  And I do not like ferrets.  Also, what does my taste in men have to do with my credibility?  Nothing, that’s what.

In reading your posts about him, I notice the following keywords pop out at me when you’re writing of him: Wit, good looks, intellect, excellence, sexiest, awesome-est. All words used by you in your posts. Granted you’ll reply that this is how he thinks of himself, but it’s interesting how one’s psyche projects itself. Could it be that deep down you really have feelings for this man?

This, friends, is the result of pop-psychology 101.  I would very much like access to this person’s reading list.

This may be something you want to confront within, because otherwise your anger is irrational and concerns me.


I’m sure that if you choose to reply you’ll merely launch into more vitriol, but to that I would merely reply, “Me thinks the lady doth protest too much” 🙂

Shakespeare quotes give everything validity! Also, emoticons!

And if he is who I think he is, wasn’t he involved with your good friend and boss for a while there? I could have sworn I saw them in an embrace more than a time or two. Cue the Gin Blossoms: Hey Jealousy….

Blog comments now come complete with soundtrack from the late 80s.

That’s the end of my comment analysis.  The thing is that I would have discussed this comment with the commenter had I known who he was but, of course, anonymous email addresses.  I wonder what his pop-psychology books have to say about that.  “This individual thinks his opinion is necessary but is not confident enough in himself as a critic to stand behind his words.  He is afraid of the social fallout associated with publicly, and confidently, airing his complaints.”

And, now I can send that comment into the trash where it belongs.  And this, friends, is the beauty of having your very own blog!  You can publish, and trash, comments as you see fit!  No democracy here!  This is a Rebekah-ocracy and thank goodness for that.

8 Responses to “Doc Says…”

  1. PreDoc May 20, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

    Lady you know the only person who loves pop-psychology more than you? ME. Because I’ve spent 7 years studying it. I agree with everything you wrote Rebekah. It would be great if sexism and such was just obvious, like a rash, so we’d know who has it and who to target for treatment, but because it’s in our cultural air conditioning and we are all breathing it to some degree, and we are all infected and it’s under the skin how much. just like two white people could be bar buddies for years and not have race or racism come up (let alone for a few conversations or some observed interactions), so your commentator will likely not experience the misogyny you would, it only because he’s a man, which makes him more equal than you, but because he’s not a server. you may be more sensitive to sexism than your commentator. i am white and i do my very best, but there is no way i am as sensitive to racism as a person of color, and my husband is the most emotionally intelligent guy i’ve ever met but he still won’t have the same experience or grasp of sexism against women because he’s not one. it is sexist, in a banal but exhausting way, to deny the ubiquity of sexism and your experience of it. if there were sexual type words being in your type (which i absolutely do not really at all) perhaps it reflects your frequent objectification by this due and others like him. any who, i don’t know anything more about the situation than your posts, so I’m commenting more on the dialogue surrounding it than the events themselves, but what you describe doesn’t sound hysterical or manufactured, or you unaware of your lady lust for him. When I hear folks complaining about women pulling the sexism card and says it all in their head, it’s usually someone who dislikes having their privilege questioned.

    • FranklyRebekah May 20, 2014 at 3:07 pm #

      I mean, I get it that people who have never experienced sexism are oftentimes not as sensitive to it as those who have. In a way, I actually feel sort of fortunate for having had the experiences that I have had, for being discriminated against due to something that is really beyond my control, because I think it allows me to open my mind and really hear other people’s experiences. I might not be quite as sensitive, or recognize them quite as readily, but I do think it makes me more able to understand once something is pointed out to me, you know? It’s a hard line to walk, trying to tell people when they are being sexist or sort of defending sexism without being aggressive, therefore making them unwilling or unable to really hear your points. The goal is, of course, to always be able to have open and honest conversations about these things, in order to make us all a little more accepting of those around us. That being said, sometimes it just gets so exhausting when I try to stand up for myself in real life or on my blog and I am essentially told that I am overreacting or that I cannot identify when I am being spoken to in a particular way because of my gender or my profession. And it gets even more exhausting when, as you said, the environment that we have all been raised in creeps into my head and makes me doubt whether or not my opinions are justified. That moment of doubt is important, of course, to reflect on things but at the same time I hate that while I fight against sexism in my own life I still let if creep into my brain and make me second guess my feelings. But that is what this blog has been so great for. For allowing me to air my feelings about things and have really interesting conversation spark from the comments. So, thanks!

  2. Obtampoons May 20, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    Tell him to put on a fine ob tampon and stop the bullshit!

  3. CJ René May 21, 2014 at 7:27 am #

    I bet you $50 bucks and a trip to Niagara that it’s Rob/Hal.

    • FranklyRebekah May 21, 2014 at 8:08 am #

      I don’t think it is because this guy followed my blog for months before this comment and this waa the first time he said anything. Rob doesn’t have that kind of self control. I do think it’s one of his friends though.

      • CJ René May 21, 2014 at 8:12 am #

        You know, I originally put that it was one of his friends in that comment but then changed my mind.

      • FranklyRebekah May 21, 2014 at 8:16 am #

        We are the smartest people!

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