As you can probably gather from the title, this is bound to be an especially well-written post. So I apologize in advance if this is just a whole big page full of word vomit.
Have you ever had one of those days where you’re jut like, “ugh, everything is just stupid.” Well I have. And I did recently. It was yesterday. I don’t know where exactly it came from but I was on a walk to visit a friend over in Ditmas Park where she was pulling pints at some event or another for some local New York City food truck vendor. At least I think it was a food truck vendor. They all have food trucks these days, right? And actually, the event maybe wasn’t really for the vendor, the vendor was just included in it. I don’t know, I didn’t really care about the vendor or the beer, to be honest, I just wanted an excuse to go for a long walk and see my friend. So there I was, walking, listening to the same damn music I have been listening to on all my walks recently and it just hit me like a ton of bricks…
…everything right now is just sort of stupid.
And then I had this really strong urge to just punch a wall or something. But not like, a hard wall, more like some sheet rock or something. Or, better yet, maybe some sheet rock that has already been munched on by some termites, assuming termites even eat sheet rock, so it’s not really all that hard. What I really wanted to do was punch a not-so-hard wall so I had the pleasure of feeling really tough when my hand came crashing through the other side but without the downside of (a) bloodying my knuckles, (b) punching the wall and not actually having my hand come through the other side or (c) some combination of a and b. I actually thought about all that for a good five minutes. And that, friends, is part of the reason why everything is stupid because rather than busying my mind with fun adventures, or like problem-solving or, I don’t know, coming up with some semblance of a plan for my life which is sort of a mess, I thought about the ideal way to punch a wall, or something resembling a wall, so that my hand would come through the other side and I would feel like a super hero. I actually thought to myself…
…well, everything else might be stupid but the one thing that would not be stupid would be me punching my hand through a wall and not getting hurt.
And then I promptly thought…
…get it together, Frank.
Like, seriously.
So here are some of the things that are stupid:
(1) My cat, Clark, has now remembered how fun it is to knock things off the shelves and so last night, at around 2am, he took it upon himself to knock every single can of his food off the shelf, one by one. Crash. Crash. Crash.
(2) The hand soap in the bathroom ran out so I decided to replace it with Dr. Bronner’s and now it sort of looks like someone peed in the soap dispenser which is both funny but also sort of unnerving.
(3) I need a vacuum.
(4) I had a conversation with my friend on the phone and we came to the conclusion that the economy sucks, that our field is a mess and I had a mini-panic attack that I am going to spend the rest of my life assembling storage racks in windowless rooms and avoiding getting stabbed with rusty nails while I break down crates for like $15 an hour. It’s a long story. The central message being that higher education is not all it’s cracked up to be.
(5) I wore my new sandals and ripped the top 4 layers of skin off my cute and tiny pinky toe.
There are lots of other stupid things that actually matter (well, number 4 matters and, actually a little bit number 2 also because urine in a soap dispenser…ew) but I don’t really want to write about them here because they are A Bigger Deal. But suffice it to say that all the things that are stupid have brought me to the conclusion that I have been going about this whole life thing entirely incorrectly. The whole thing, wrong approach this entire time and no one told me. No one was like
Hey, Rebekah, I know you think you have it together but the thing is that you’re wrong and I just thought maybe you should know so you don’t continue on embarrassing yourself kind of like that one time when you went for a run and the string of your tampon was hanging out the bottom of your shorts. Remember that? Good times.
And then the other thing is this. So I have been trying to amend my approach to things and sort of take the high road and as it turns out taking the high road sort of just sucks sometimes. There’s no real satisfaction involved in the high road. You have to be all, “well, this isn’t really worth me losing my cool over so I will just shrug my shoulders and sit over here and watch while you implode every so slowly.” But the thing is that sometimes the implosion never happens, and the person goes through life sort of just being a dick and thinking they are right all the time and you have to know that they also think they are right vis-a-vis you and that one time (or maybe multiple times) they said something really sort of offensive and you knew if you called them out on it they would shrug their shoulders and then be all
whatever, bitches be crazy.
And I hate that. It’s so…for lack of a better word, stupid. And you know what else? I really think I should be able to call dudes out on their misogyny without them then giving me the side eye and thinking I am a complete nut job. Or like, I should be able to tell random dudes at bars that “accidentally” touching my leg 6 times is not okay when there is absolutely zero need for you to be standing that close to me in the first place without the fear that it will turn into A Thing and I will feel uncomfortable and like I did something wrong and that probably I should just leave.
And I just washed my hands with the pee soap again. I really need to do something about that.
Okay, I am going to go for a run now in hopes that it will adjust the whole thing that is happening in my head. Maybe I will come back from the run and realize that in actuality only like 50% of the things are stupid and that’s something I can maybe work with. And then tomorrow maybe I will be back to writing about how the men’s rights movement is the most ridiculous movement I have ever heard of. But not today. Today is Father’s Day and so I will lay off doing the things that make my father worried about my safety.
Happy Father’s day to all the dad’s but especially to my dad, the second greatest dad in the world after King Tritan from The Little Mermaid. That’s an old joke. Don’t ask.
franklyrebekah 
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