New Orleans Diary: Week Seven

Goal: I am trying to keep a weekly diary about my time here in New Orleans! My friend Katie is here right now (HOOORAY!) and we are having lots of fun and so this diary entry might be slightly truncated so I can get back to fun. Not that this isn’t fun but, you know.

Weather: So I moved down here because New York gets really cold and when I get really cold I get hives. It totally blows. Right now I am sitting in a very uncomfortable stool at the island in my kitchen in shorts and a light long-sleeved shirt and it is the middle of January. That’s pretty great! And hive-free! Last week, however, we had a frost

Dun, dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

It got so cold. SO cold. And it’s like 150% humidity here all the time and so when it gets cold it really feels cold. You know those days in New York when the wind is blowing and you’re wearing all your layers (but not one of those puffy jackets that look like a sleeping bag because although I am sure they are very effective they look really silly) and the cold just seeps into everything and makes your bones cold? Well, that’s what it is like here. Anything below 50 is just bone chilling. And the houses aren’t insulated and so if you don’t have house slippers (which obviously I do because I am an old lady in disguise) your feet freeze when they touch the floor. I one time went into the kitchen without my house slippers on and my feet got so cold that I couldn’t feel them and I felt like I was walking on pieces of wood with toenails that could really use a good painting. Anyway, so this past week it dropped below freezing and do you know what happened? My plants froze! I had just bought two really awesome hanging plants to decorate my place and just like that

BAM!

deaded. And the extra sad thing is that one of them is called a Purple Wandering Jew and I thought of it as my soul sister and then it died from the cold (kind of like I do) and now I feel like maybe that is a bad omen. RIP Wandering Jew.

Driving: I think bad driving might actually be contagious. I consider myself a pretty good driver. I use my blinkers, I put my headlights on when it is dark out and also whenever it rains and I have to use my windshield wipers (Wipers On, Lights On!), and I generally abide by all traffic laws. But it is really hard to abide by all the traffic laws when it sort of seems like there aren’t any. And also when the streets are so pock marked that every time I take the car out I am reasonably certain I am going to get a flat. It’s like a game of frogger driving around here, trying to avoid all the massive pot holes. Anyway, in the past few weeks I have found myself rolling through stop signs, changing lanes willy-nilly (still using blinkers, though!) and on my way to the supermarket the other day I almost ran a red light! I need to re-center myself. Just as I refuse to stop calling the corner store the bodega, I will not allow the poor driving practices of this city to affect me any further! I am from New Jersey, god damnit, a state where people can drive!

Tulips: The other day I was walking around when I saw some kitties through a fence. They were so cute. So I stood outside the fence and I watched the kitties for awhile as both of them tried to fit into one pot that really only had room for 1.5 kitties. One of them was already in there all curled up and cozy and the other one, a bigger one, decided it also wanted to be curled up and cozy and so it tried to get into the pot with the first kitty and hilarity ensued. I was happily watching the progression of events when all of a sudden from behind me I heard,

Come back in a few weeks and see my tulips!

I turned around and there was the owner of the house who erroneously thought I was checking out his landscaping when actually I was watching some feral cats roll around in a planting box. But because I didn’t want to be rude I asked him about his tulips. Apparently they were a few inches out of the ground already and he had planted a few hundred of them. It’s going to be really pretty! But then I thought to myself, didn’t we just have a frost the other day? And didn’t the frost claim the life of my Wandering Jew? Couldn’t we potentially have another frost and wouldn’t the tulips succumb to such a change in weather? Also, tulips in January?! I will take photos of the tulips when and if they bloom and share them here.

Little Boys, Ew: Yesterday Katie and I were walking through Louis Armstrong Park and some 12 year old boys whose balls hadn’t dropped yet if the high pitched nature of their voices were any indication asked us if we wanted to suck their dicks. Um, ew? First of all we could be their mothers. Seriously. We are actually old enough to have birthed these boys. Second of all, gross. And third of all, this is the world we live in where this sort of disrespect and hyper sexualization of women begins at such a young age. It’s really fucked up. I guess the conclusion is that groups of boys are the worst everywhere. They are the worst in New York, they are the worst here in New Orleans, and I am going to venture a guess that they are the worst everywhere in between.

Conclusion: I know this isn’t my best diary. Sorry! But next week will be good, I swear! I have some things to write about, like the Lyft driver who drove Katie and I home after dinner last night. Also I think I got a job and I may or may not have to wear a stupid outfit at my job so I will tell you all about that. And I have about 3 drafts that I am hoping to post within the next week or so. Stay tuned!