I know this is probably the worst time to publish a blog post considering that the USA are playing Portugal in the World Cup as I type, but whatever, when you are inspired you are inspired and I never pretended to be smart about this whole blogging thing. So it is not secret that my year has sucked. I wrote about it here. Also, here. Oh and then there was this thing that happened that I wrote about here. And let us not forget about this. So this isn’t a blog about me complaining about how I am having an off year, and how my life has sort of been like a line of dominoes, where one of them falls and knocks every other one down in rapid succession. It is about something else.
So on Friday I was walking home from getting some juice when I stumbled upon a quarter. I walked past it about 5 paces or so and then stopped, thinking about my friend Monica. She has also had a rough couple of weeks ever since her dog went missing. I thought about how Monica always picks up pennies. It’s this really endearing compulsion that she has. We would be running through the streets of New York and no matter what we were talking about, she would always see the pennies, always pick them up. I turned back around and, with Monica and Lark on my mind, I picked up the quarter. I took it in my fingers, turned it over, and decided that that very moment would be the moment that I would stop thinking about what a crappy year I have been having, I would stop dooming myself to more misfortune, and just change my mindset. That quarter, I decided, was going to be my change in luck, that place in the domino line when you get them all wrong and the one falling somehow misses its neighbor and the rest of the pieces remain standing. I know this might seem a lot to put into one small piece of currency, but in the face of thinking that you have somehow run into a string of unexplainable bad luck it really seems like the most logical next step.
(I just heard screaming from an adjacent building. Somehow the US has overtaken Portugal? How surprising.)This is going to sound really cheesy. Perhaps even cheesier than the things I have already written in this post. I was just watching an episode of Gossip Girl (I know, I know), and Rufus Humphrey said something to Dan over breakfast that really just got to me:”…success, people praising you, it goes away. And when that day comes, if you don’t like who you are, you’re done.”I don’t know. I have spent a good amount of time trying to figure out what has been happening recently. I have spent a lot of brain power, shed a lot of tears (more than I really care to admit to) trying to understand what the fuck I ever did to have all this happen. But then I realized I didn’t actually do anything. It’s just life, it’s the world. This is how shit goes. And I can either feel sorry for myself, or laugh at myself. I can either look backwards, or look forwards. I can either wonder why there are so many assholes, or I can be happy that I like who I am and anyone who doesn’t, well, they simply aren’t worth my time. From here on out I am choosing the latter in all three of those scenarios.As it turns out, a quarter really can be the harbinger of good things to come. I mean, if I was going to somehow attribute all my good fortune to some weird universal bullshit, why not assign some of my good fortune to a quarter. Right? Right.So that is it. That is the end of me thinking this is an off year, and wishing I had a bear-free cave to live in. This is the beginning of me realizing I have an amazing support system all of whom I love and appreciate; I have a fantastic family; I have a warm house with great roommates and two annoying as hell but incredibly sweet cats; I have my health; I wake up most mornings feeling lucky that I am who I am; I have this shiny new quarter. The rest, I think, will come in time.
franklyrebekah 