And Then I Saw Turtles

24 Jun

I think this is going to be one of the more pointless blog posts to date.  It’s contending for the ultimate prize of Most Needless Blog Post Ever against the one about the time I sneezed really loudly and it was embarrassing.

So today I decided to go for a run.  It is, I would say, probably one of the first days this year when it really feels like summer so the smart thing for me to have done would have been to get up earlier and get out for a run before it got too, too hot.  Like, maybe get out the door by 8:30 am.  Well, I woke up at 8:30am so that was pretty much out of the question.  Also, I had a stomachache.  Waking up with a stomachache is really pretty normal for me.  I have always had a pretty bad belly (thanks, Dad!). I specifically remember it really getting bad when I was in high school and one day after track practice I decided to make myself some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.  This, mind you, was well before the time when I decided that the Kraft company is evil and I would no longer purchase their food but if someone else happened to buy some, say, Ritz crackers I would make no bones about eating them.*  As an aside I would also like to note that ever since Kraft bought Nabisco they have had a serious corner on the cracker market.  Have I talked about this before?  It can be exceedingly difficult to find “good” crackers without Kraft konnections.  Anyway, back to the belly.  So I made myself Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and holy stomachache.  The rest of the afternoon was pretty much a blur of me running in and out of the bathroom… sorry for the over share.  That was the beginning of the end of carefree living for me.  After years of near-constant stomachaches, searing pains running all through my lower abdomen, and trips to the doctor where they did ultrasounds and concluded there was nothing wrong with me at all, I went to this magical chiropractor who did these crazy things with magnets and I discovered that I have an intolerance to basically everything.  I have sensitivities to dairy, wheat, sugar, everything fermented, over ripe fruit, and caffeine.  Not to mention I don’t eat meat.  So I tried to eliminate all of those things from my diet. As a result I felt a lot better but I was fucking hungry all of the time.  So, recently, I have basically just cut out processed things and also dairy, for the most part.  Also, I try and steer clear of fried foods because a lot of times restaurants don’t clean their grease traps and the results are not at all pretty.  So now rather than waking up with a stomachache 100% of the mornings, I wake up with a stomachache like 50% of the mornings.  So I feel pretty good about that.  This morning, unfortunately, was one of the bad 50%.  Hence I didn’t get out the door to run until like 11am when it was already something like 90 degrees.

I decided, in an effort to keep myself cooler, that I would go running in a sports bra and shorts.  It has been quite a long process for me to feel comfortable doing this because I never do any ab work (I know that as a runner this is incredibly stupid) so things move around a little.  This year I decided that I don’t give a fuck about that and if people don’t like it then they can just stop looking at me.  So off I went up to the park, feeling equal parts confident and awkward, running far too fast for the heat because I figured if I felt hardcore enough to run in just a sports bra and shorts I better go pretty fast so I at least look the part.  By the time I got up there I sort of wanted to vomit.  No matter, I went running along anyway.  When I arrived near the exit at Ocean Parkway I decided I needed to give myself a second and, lo and behold, there was a little pathway leading to the lake!  Perfect!  So I walked down the pathway and there, on the benches, was a group of old ladies.  I felt really weird being near the old ladies without my shirt on and I guess they felt weird too because about a minute after I got there they, ever so slowly, left.  I felt bad for disrupting their stay on the benches but happy to have a little outside space all to myself.  So rare!  I started gazing at the water and noticed this strange commotion.  I figured maybe it was fish.  And then I looked a little further and there, about 100 feet or so into the lake, was a floating log that was literally covered in sunbathing turtles all doing that super cute thing that turtles do when they sunbathe where they turn their cute little wrinkly faces up towards the sun and bask.  I. Love. Turtles.  Like, so much.  Anyway, soon thereafter I realized that the commotion in the water that I initially had concluded was fish was actually a bunch of turtles swimming around looking for snacks!!!!  They were everywhere!  It was so great!  I wanted to stand there forever but I was like, drowning in my own sweat and also felt a little bit like a wuss standing in the shade looking like a hardcore runner but not running at all and instead staring at turtles with a cheese-eating grin on my face so I went back out and finished my run which was totally awful.

When I was finally done with the loop of the park I sat in the shade and had the sad realization that I am officially too old to run during the hottest part of the day.  Also, now I have a really bad sports bra tan.  But turtles!  So really, everything is good.

*Note to friends, Ritz crackers are a surefire way to my heart.  And not the whole wheat ones, those are some bullshit.  I want the white flour, super buttery, extra deliciously processed kind only, thankyouverymuch.

One Response to “And Then I Saw Turtles”


  1. Poop, Ghosts and Baby Chickens | franklyrebekah - December 10, 2013

    […] Sometimes the letters help.  Sometimes, not so much.  For someone that goes through life turning mundane activities into adventures, I have quite possibly the most boring dreams ever.  There was that time that I dreamed about […]

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