In 2013! I got you there, didn’t I? You thought this was my last post ever. PSYCH! Ha. Okay. Moving on. Seeing as how this is the very last day in 2013, I thought maybe I would try to squeeze in one last blog post. So, here it goes.
On my way to work yesterday, and having recently turned 30, I was thinking about all the things my also recently-turned-30 friends have been posting about being 30. Like, how to know you’re 30. Why your 30s are better than your 20s. And things to stop saying in your 30s. Sorry I didn’t link them all but after skimming through half a dozen such lists my eyes glazed over and I sort of just wanted to melt into a metallic puddle sort of like Alex Mack did on that show. Come to think of it, I often fantasize about melting into a metallic puddle and sneaking out of, and into, places but that’s a story for another day. So here are a few things. First of all, and maybe it’s because I wasn’t an avid social media user when I turned 20, I don’t ever remember there being lists about the things one should and should not do and say and think when maturing from teen to after teen. Second of all, shut up. I don’t know who made these people the authorities on the ways people should behave when they reach a certain age but I would like to see some credentials. I would then like to take those supposed credentials, rip them up, throw them on the ground, and jump on them sort of like the bubble wrap my friend Carie and I discovered on a street corner a few years back. There we were, two adults, one in her 30s, jumping up and down like lunatics on a giant sheet of bubble wrap, giggling and generally causing a scene. We were, as some may say, acting “totes cray” and it was fantastic. In fact, I wouldn’t mind jumping on a sheet of bubble wrap right about now. Anyway, back to the list. I agree with my friend Peter who, on a Facebook post mere hours after I was initially thinking about writing this post (get out of my HEAD, Peter!) said the following (much better than I ever could, mind you):
“There’s an article on Huffington Post about things you should not be saying once you’re over the age of 30. And I just thought, who is this punk to tell people what they should say and shouldn’t say? There are all these ways that people tell each other that they’re not good enough, that they’re unknowingly foolish and our minds get filled up with these corrections. Don’t write about this subject. This is how you ought to be. Don’t do this, don’t wear that hat, quit posting this, it’s too long, it’s too political…so for this New Year, my first resolution and wish for all of us is that we banish these little voices that seek to gain power or status over the “foolish masses” by shaming us for innocuous habits.”
Granted, there are things that people say that I don’t like. It has nothing to do with age or anything, I just think these things are cliche, sound stupid, or make basically no sense. But you know what? I personally just don’t say them.* Anyway, I don’t know. I am 30 and I sometimes say stupid things. I also still have stuffed animals on my bed, do not own an iron, have no professional clothing, and sometimes I even eat junk food in the middle of the night (apparently all no-nos according to the internet). I think I am still doing okay. I also think that I shouldn’t just wake up one morning and be like “oh, I have turned this entirely arbitrary age and now I have to start behaving like An Adult.” Whatever. I like behaving like me. So, I have compiled a list of things that people should stop doing altogether, no matter the age (this is in no particular order):
1. Stop making lists telling people what they should and should not do.
Oh, well, I guess according to my own list the list should just stop there. That was a close one. I just totally almost made a complete fool of myself. But seriously. I love The Internet just as much as the next person who enjoys cat videos, but I am oftentimes shocked by the things that go viral. So that list, which obviously originated on Huffpost Women because shaming women is like a national pastime, must have been posted by like a dozen of my Facebook friends. And I just kind of think that maybe there are other things that people should refrain from saying in casual conversation at all ages. You know, things that hurt other people. Things like saying something is “gay” or “retarded.” Making jokes about rape. Calling someone a whore or a fatass or a faggot. Using racial epithets. I don’t know, words like “adorbs” seem comparatively harmless.
So, anyway, that is all from me in 2013. Thank you everyone for reading. It was a banner year! And I think next year will be even bannerier! I’m looking forward to it. Good things are coming down the pipeline for me. And maybe for you. Who knows. In summation, this coming year I hope to write more, be nicer to people who are nice to me and meaner to people who aren’t, and check my email more often. Try sending me an email sometime in mid-2014 and see what happens. Hopefully something.
*Okay, fine, there was a recent time when I posted on a friend’s page my annoyance with the phrase “says nobody ever” but I didn’t write a post about it. And I also don’t judge people for saying it. I just think it is dumb, not funny and overused. But keep right on saying it if it strikes your fancy!
franklyrebekah 
thanks so much for not making a list. there were too many damn lists on the internet. X things that Y should Z before ♠
Is this normal? Does it happen every year and I never noticed? What makes this year different from every other year?