Archive | March, 2012

Bartender Meets Broccoli People

26 Mar

This past Valentine’s Day my boyfriend, with a nod to the fact that I, along with countless other people think Valentine’s Day is silly, met me for dinner with a bouquet of broccoli.  This was great for two reasons.  First, he was able to hide it behind his back and whip it around like a more traditional arrangement and second, we could eat it for dinner the next day.

Fast forward one month.

At work yesterday — I tend bar a few times a week — two people walked in, maybe a couple maybe not.  He heads straight to the bathroom and she meanders near the bar, phone in one hand, head of broccoli in the other.  Wow, I think to myself, someone has the same sense of humor as my boyfriend.  What are the odds?  He returns from the bathroom, they order a bottle of wine, I don’t ask about the broccoli.  I tend to my other customers and a few minutes later glance up at them to assess the level of their beverages.  I then notice that the male half of this duo is eating the broccoli.  He is not breaking off little florets and munching them but instead is taking large bites out of the head of broccoli that appears to be roughly three quarters the size of his face.  Strange.  It happened to be busy at the bar so I was running around a little but I did manage to inform one or two (or three or four) of my other customers of the oddity occurring in the middle of the bar.  I again return to the couple and, much to my surprise, notice that the female half is now gnawing on the broccoli stem since the florets have been largely depleted.  I don’t know how many of you have tried eating non-peeled, non-cooked broccoli stems but it is no easy feat.  She, however, was really going at it and seemed to be making some progress.  I rush down to the far end of the bar to tell one of the aforeinformed customers about the new turn of events.  She decides to get to the bottom of the situation.  She does a cursory drive-by of the unfolding ordeal and then, on her return trip while the girl is in the bathroom turns to the guy and the following conversation unfolds:

Curious Customer:  You have a bloody mary?

Broccoli Boy (with wine glass and small broccoli floret in hand):  No.  Wine.

CC:  Oh, I thought that was celery in your hand.  I see now that it’s broccoli.

BB:  It’s my spirit totem.

CC:  …………….

I had heard of a spirit animal before but never a spirit totem.  Turns out they are roughly the same thing although upon doing some cursory internet research I couldn’t find anyone who had a piece of broccoli, or other form of vegetable, as their spirit totem.  It seems to me kind of dangerous and short-sighted to eat your lifelong spirit guide.  I decided right then that I would allow these spirit totem-eating medical students* to entertain themselves in the corner with a rousing game of Taboo.  I did not want to be a recipient of any bad karma related to the consumption of the totem.  I washed a few glasses and then in walked this normal-looking young gentleman in a grey LSU hoody.  He takes a look at the taps and then,

Normal-Look Guy:  What’s your favorite beer on tap right now?

Me:  I really like the Tommyknocker Pick Axe IPA.  It’s a more discreet IPA and it’s fun to say.

NLG:  What color is it?

Me:  Umm….?  Sort of light brown?

NLG:  Yea, that sounds good!

I was confused.  I had never had someone order a beer from me solely based off color.  And then wouldn’t you know it he went over and sat with the broccoli people.  I should have known.

*If I found out that my doctor went around to bars eating raw broccoli and calling it his spirit totem I would probably look for a new doctor.  Just saying.

A Word on Statistical Inconsistencies

16 Mar

In response to my post According to Pridemore, Abuse is Not an Excuse, I received the following comment from a reader named “Rog”:

A million rapes in 2009? That is a very high number. FBI statistics for the crime category “forcible rape” report 88,097 forcible rapes in 2009: a greater than 10-fold difference from the CDC survey cited in your post. While I accept that idea that rapes are under-reported, I doubt they are under-reported to the extent that less than 10% of rapes are ever reported to law enforcement. Do you have some thoughts in regards to this discrepancy in statistics?

A quandary!  So I decided to do some research.  And Rog, this is what I came up with.  First, I think these two organizations are using different definitions of rape.  The FBI defines forcible rape as follows:

Forcible rape is the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will. Attempts or assaults to commit rape by force or threat of force are also included; however, statutory rape (without force) and other sex offenses are excluded.

I would like to just interject at this point that I find this definition of rape to be problematic for two main reasons.  First, men, as it turns out FBI, can also be raped.  In this specific case this narrow definition of “forcible rape” makes my job a bit easier as I am looking for women-only information, but I think it is counter-productive and dangerous to exclude a whole swath of victims from a basic understanding of the concept.  Second, I take issue with the use of “carnal knowledge” in this definition.  It is my understanding, and I verified this by a quick Google search, that carnal knowledge refers in the most narrow sense to penetration of the vagina by the penis.  In some more loose (no pun intended) definitions, it can include oral and anal sex, but it does not include penetration by a foreign object.  I am curious to see how far the FBI extends this terminology for the purposes of its definition of rape, but in my opinion, whatever it may be, it is not far enough.*

The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS), on the other hand, defines rape in the following way differently.  I found this definition on a blog called The Curvature.  If you’re interested, you should read her post on this subject.  The author goes into a lot more detail about the failings of the NISVS study and its definitions better than I could ever do (including the near-omission of trans people from the survey) so I’ll leave that critique to her.  Anyway…

Rape is defined as any completed or attempted unwanted vaginal (for women), oral, or anal penetration through the use of physical force (such as being pinned or held down, or by the use of violence) or threats to physically harm and includes times when the victim was drunk, high, drugged, or passed out and unable to consent. Rape is separated into three types, completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, and completed alcohol or drug facilitated penetration.

  • Among women, rape includes vaginal, oral, or anal penetration by a male using his penis. It also includes vaginal or anal penetration by a male or female using their fingers or an object.
  • Among men, rape includes oral or anal penetration by a male using his penis. It also includes anal penetration by a male or female using their fingers or an object.

So part of what is going on in terms of statistical discrepancies might be that the definitions these two organizations are using are very different.  Another part is certainly, as you mentioned, under-reporting.  According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), about 60% of all rapes and sexual assaults go unreported.  (The rate of reporting is even worse for men than it is for women.)  RAINN then does a flow chart of sorts to show the likelihood of a rapist being reported, arrested, convicted, and punished.  It’s pretty depressing stuff.  So, if we were to call the statistic from NISVS an even million and assume that only 40% of those rapes are reported to a law enforcement agency, we are looking at 400,000 reported rapes, much closer to the FBI’s number.  If we then look at the discrepancy in definitions, with the FBI’s being much less broad than that used by NISVS, that could also account for a lot of the difference.  But also, and this is just my unsubstantiated opinion, I think the number presented by the FBI is just plain wrong.  And, to be completely honest, I think the one given by the NISVS is also low.  I think our definition and understanding of rape is woefully narrow.  I also think that, although the NISVS makes a stab at trying to understand and account for intimate partner rape, a lot of people do not report being raped by their significant other.  It’s understandable but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.  Anyway, I could go on.  I hope this at least chipped away at the concern raised.  Thanks, Rog!

*The FBI’s new definition of rape (different from forcible rape?) that was released in 2011 states the following:  “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”  I am assuming the statistics that Rog presented me with were using the definition of “forcible rape” rather than just regular run-of-the-mill rape, but I figured I would include both definitions.  Also, I am confused by this.

According to Pridemore, Abuse is Not an Excuse

15 Mar

So I am still on about this Glenn Grothman bill that I posted about last week.  Basically, Senator Grothman proposed a bill that essentially equated single parenthood with abuse and neglect.  I did not, however, give the necessary attention to the bill’s co-sponsor, Representative Don Pridemore, who was reported mid-firestorm as saying that he believes that even in abusive relationships there are options better than divorce.  In a local broadcast from Wisconsin, Pridemore said women should just “re-find those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place.”  Good idea, Pridemore.  Let’s try and convince women to stay with their abusers for the benefit of the child because said abuser never turns his attention towards the children.   Therefore, I thought maybe I would just present some information about the prevalence of abuse against women in the United States.  I mean, since, as Grothman insists in an interview with Alan Colmes, women are choosing to be single parents and all in order to take advantage of government payouts (and, presumably, having nothing to go with what they might face in the home), I thought some meager statistics about domestic violence might be useful.  I promptly proceeded to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention website. There I found the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS).  Here are some of the “highlights” of the 2010 survey:*

– 1.3 million women were raped during the year preceding the survey

– 51.1% of female rape victims reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance

– 1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe violence by an intimate partner

– 81% of women who experienced rape, stalking or physical violence by an intimate partner reported significant short or long term impacts related to the violence experienced in this relationship such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms and injury

I don’t know about you but if I left an intimate partner because said intimate partner was raping, stalking, or beating me I would take my children with me.  I would not think to myself, “hey, why don’t I think back to the good times before I was afraid for my safety and that of my children?  After all, being in a two-parent household with an abuser is way better for my children than raising them alone.”    I mean, after all, even though women can take care of a family in some situations, men are the disciplinarians in the household and without them “kids tend to go astray.”**  Nothing like getting your kids back in-line with some good old fashioned discipline from your favorite wife-beater!  According to an article published by the University of Michigan News Service, it has been shown that exposure to their mother’s physical or emotional abuse was shown to cause significant emotional and behavioral problems in children as young as preschool age.   The article discussed a book edited by Sandra Graham-Berman and Alytia Levendosky:

“Children of battered women showed higher rates of sadness, depression, worry and frustration than peers from nonviolent homes. Their emotional responses to events were less appropriate, and they were more likely to express anger and frustration by hitting, biting or slapping others, even when unprovoked. They were also found to verbally abuse their peers, by insulting them and calling them names, more than did children from nonviolent families.”

So yes, Pridemore, let’s get those families back together for the sake of the children!  What goes on in the home stays in the home, right?  Except, of course, if that home is run by a single mother.

*Since Grothman and Pridemore decided to word this bill in such a way as to victimize single women, I am only providing statistics and information for domestic violence against women.  Domestic violence against men is also a problem, but has not been as widely reported for, off the top of my head, at least two reasons: (1) it simply happens less often and (2) because of our cultural and societal tendency to think of men as the stronger and dominant gender, there is probably (unfortunately) an additional amount of shame felt on the part of the male victim in a violent, heterosexual relationship.

**The quotes for this section were taken from a news report from WTMJ’s coverage from this past Friday (can’t figure out how to get the video in my blog…my tech-brain is a work-in-progress)

Gary Trudeau Rocks

11 Mar

There is currently a bit of a debate going on regarding this weeks Doonesbury cartoon which is a commentary on Texas law HB-15.  Essentially, the law says that in order to get an abortion in Texas, a woman has to undergo an ultrasound 24-hours prior to the procedure, presumably allowing the thick-headed women folk ample time to really think about the immoral procedure they’re about to endure (if she lives more than 100 miles away from an abortion provider the ultrasound must be done at least 2 hours in advance).  Most people assume that this refers to your typical abdominal ultrasound, in which the ultrasound is done externally.  However, as far as I understand it (and correct me if I am wrong), if a woman wants an abortion early in the pregnancy, the only way to see what is necessary to satisfy the requirements of the law is a transvaginal ultrasound.  Meaning, an internal one, involving a wand.  So, anyway, the following is one of the panels from the upcoming, and controversial, Doonesbury comic:

Author defends

So, Trudeau does what we all have been thinking:  he calls a spade a spade.  In an interview that I found linked on Gawker, the creator of Doonesbury, Gary Trudeau, had this to say:

Texas’s HB-15 isn’t hard to explain: The bill says that in order for a woman to obtain a perfectly legal medical procedure, she is first compelled by law to endure a vaginal probe with a hard, plastic 10-inch wand. The World Health Organization defines rape as “physically forced or otherwise coerced penetration — even if slight — of the vulva or anus, using a penis, other body parts or an object.” You tell me the difference.

And it is official:  I am a big fan of Gary Trudeau.  And you know who else I am a fan of?  Matt DeRienzo, the group editor of Connecticut newspapers such as the New Haven Register, the Middletown Press,  The Register Citizen of Torrington, and a few non-daily publications.  On a blog post regarding this controversy he said,

Newspaper editors should be more concerned about protecting their readers from legislators who want to force them into an offensive, invasive procedure aimed at undermining the very foundation of reproductive rights and equality than cartoonists who are raising alarms about it.

Doonesbury, he points out, is and has always been a political cartoon.  This is a political issue and it is well within the rights of Trudeau to comment on it.  DeRienzo draws a parallel to the recent issue with Rush Limbaugh and Sandra Fluke.  While Limbaugh has endured an exodus of many of his sponsors (belatedly, in my opinion) as far as I know he has not been kicked off the air anywhere in punishment.  And Don Imus has a job after his horrendous comments a few years back.  So in conclusion I guess I have two things to say:

1.  Good on you Gary Trudeau, Matt DeRienzo, and every other person and publication willing to stand behind this comic, whether or not you agree with the politics

2.  To those of you who don’t think it should be published:  shame on you.  Sure, some of your readers might get angry and write letters.  But others just won’t look at it, kind of what I try to do with the Imus’ and the Limbaugh’s of the world…with limited success.  Give us the respect to allow us to choose the content we wish to see and that which we don’t.

Senator Glenn Grothman, You’re an Idiot

8 Mar

Glenn Grothman, Republican Senator of Wisconsin, has introduced Senate Bill 507 which requires “the Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Board to emphasize nonmarital parenthood as a contributing factor to child abuse and neglect.”  Apparently, according to Senator Grothman, being a single parent essentially makes you a child abuser.  You might think that I am being a little liberal with my interpretation but in an interview with Alan Colmes, Grothman said there has been a change towards single motherhood over the last 30 years and that “a lot of that change has been the choice of women.”  He believes that women need to be taught that this is a mistake.

In the interview with Colmes, after Grothman cited a New York Times article that said 60% of children born to women under 30 are born out of wedlock, the following interaction happened:

Colmes:  It’s a good argument for birth control, right?

Grothman:  Well…no…we all love all, all children.

Colmes:  I mean if you’re saying we’ve got a problem with out of wedlock births, a good answer to that would be to help provide, as the president is doing, access to complete birth control and health care for women.

Grothman then responds that “anyone has access to birth control, it’s not that expensive.”  Planned Parenthood, according to Grothman, makes birth control very available.  (It’s like it grows on trees!)  I guess he hasn’t been clued in on the recent assault on Planned Parenthoods nationwide and that many of them are being forced to close their doors.  Colmes countered this by referencing the recent appearance of Sandra Fluke in this debate.  Grothman, who obviously is not very up-to-speed on the whole birth control debate currently exploding in this country, responded that most of these out-of-wedlock births are no accident and that our “social services bureaucracy” have made these births acceptable, even beneficial.  He believes that the government is actually engineering the single-parent lifestyle by providing all these benefits.  Government, he believes, is making it easy, even desirable, to be a single mother.  When asked what he would do for women who are already low income and perhaps left an abusive relationship or have a partner who doesn’t pay a fair share of child support he did the easy thing:  he blamed the women.  He believes that women choose to be single mothers because apparently the benefits are so good that it beats out the alternative.  He’s on to us, ladies!

If you would be so kind as to direct your attention to the following chart that I discovered on the ChildStats website, you will notice that there is a pretty sizable percentage of children who live in a one-parent home.  You will also notice that of those children living in a one-parent home, most of them live with only their mother.  It is therefore not a huge leap of logic to say that this bill is blatantly sexist.  In fact, in the interview with Colmes and other articles I read, single father homes are never mentioned.  We don’t need to educate the men about the dangers of single-parent living to the safety of children, only the women.  And to add insult to injury:  Grothman is, as you probably already guessed, pro-life.*

So, this man simultaneously supports the government forcing women to carry babies to term, (because birth control is affordable for the majority of women…ha!) regardless of the circumstances, marital or otherwise, surrounding that pregnancy and then says that if they do indeed abide by that unjust rule they are likely to be considered neglectful or abusive parents.  So I wonder, Senator Grothman, if a woman was raped, and then was forced to carry that baby to term, would she then be urged to marry her rapist so as not to seem abusive or neglectful? Has she actually orchestrated the rape in order to live high on the hog with the abundance of government “handouts”?  These two view points are at odds with one another.  Also, they are just a bunch of sexist, woman-hating bullshit.

NOTE: Data for 2010 exclude the nearly 290,000 household residents under age 18 who were listed as family reference persons or spouses. Prior to 2007, Current Population Survey (CPS) data identified only one parent on the child’s record. This meant that a second parent could only be identified if they were married to the first parent. In 2007, a second parent identifier was added to the CPS. This permits identification of two coresident parents, even if the parents are not married to each other. In this figure, “two parents” reflects all children who have both a mother and father identified in the household, including biological, step, and adoptive parents. Before 2007, “mother only” and “father only” included some children who lived with two unmarried parents. Beginning in 2007, “mother only” and “father only” refer to children for whom only one parent in the household has been identified, whether biological, step, or adoptive.

SOURCE: U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplements.**

This now brings me to the next point which is that this bill is not only sexist, it is also racist.  According to information compiled from the US Census Bureau by the Kids Count Data Center, and demonstrated in this really embarrassingly bare bones chart that I made in excel, one-parent homes are most common amongst Blacks, followed by American Indians and Latinos.  So now you have a bill which not only disproportionately impacts single mothers, but it even more disproportionately impacts single mothers of color.***

Non-Hispanic White 24%
Black or African American 66%
American Indian 52%
Asian and Pacific Islander 16%
Hispanic or Latino 41%
Total 34%

And finally, I believe this bill is classist.  With only one income coming in, and dependents to care for, it can be difficult for single parents to keep their heads above water.  Think about child care costs, for example.  And the fact that, according to this New York Times article, aid to single-parent families living on “less than half of poverty-level income” declined 38% between 1984 and 2004.  (An article which Grothman didn’t see fit to read…sort of turns his theory on its head, don’t it?)  That’s serious.  According to a slightly outdated article (although I imagine that the statistics are now on the low end rather than the high given the economic environment in recent years), about 60% of mother-only families are impoverished compared with 11% of two-parent families.

So, basically, this bill is like the trifecta of awful.  Sexist, racist and classist and, as usual, it does not address any of the systemic issues that increase poverty among these groups in the first place but rather seeks to incriminate people, most specifically low-income women of color, a group which really needs a little more challenges sent its way.  Why not look at the price of child care, issues of joblessness, our education system (and yes, that includes sex education), the difficulty some people find obtaining the benefits they qualify for, availability of birth control, access to abortions, among other things.  How about we try to empower women to improve their own lives, rather than alternatively thinking of them as incapable and calculating?  Also, if you bring abuse and neglect charges against single parents, where are the kids going to go?  Into our fantastic foster care system?  Yea, great idea.

*  In a search for a link telling me what I already knew about Grothman’s views on abortion, I came across this blog written by an MPeterson who hails from Wisconsin.  The blog is called “What did Glen Grothman get wrong this week?”  I applaud you, MPeterson.

** Note and chart taken from ChildStats.gov (link referenced in above post).

*** This chart reflects information for the entire United States.  If you want Wisconsin, or other state, specific statistics, please go to the Kids Count Data Center website.

The New Yorker for the Win

7 Mar

Can I just say that this New Yorker cover makes me exceedingly happy?  Kudos, Bob Staake.

Remembering Cell Phone Numbers is Important

4 Mar

This morning I ran a half marathon in New Orleans. My friends Cherie and Carie came to support me and we decided, after much deliberation, to convene after the race “near the trees.” Seeing as how the race ended in a park this was probably not the most well thought out plan. There were trees everywhere. Lots of trees and lots of people.  I searched for Cherie and Carie high and low but couldn’t find them. “Why not just call them?” you might wonder.  That’d be because I ingeniously left them with all my things, phone included.  To add insult to injury I, like most cell phone-reliant people these days, have nobody’s number memorized. What to do? After a good 45 minutes of searching I had a moment of clarity: call my mom, have her call my dad, dad has boyfriend’s number from a missent text incident, have boyfriend call friends (that’s right…I forgot the last 4 digits of Pete’s number…sorry Pete).  Borrowed phone, called mom to tell her to pass the message that I would be waiting by the water fountain outside the medical tent, dad was playing tennis. Drats! New plan. Call old friend! He has Carie’s number! Okay, awesome. Borrow another phone, call friend, wrong number. Apparently the only number I have memorized is my boss’s.  Told the nice medical tent phone owner that if my boss called he should not answer…there would be too much confusion. Then, I saw her… Cherie! A lucky encounter 1.5 hours after the end of the race.  I will now proceed to a tattoo parlour and get some numbers tattooed on the inside of my forearm. Or just make some flash cards.